The Goomba Diet: Living Large and Loving It

The Goomba Diet: Living Large and Loving It

Hey, goomba! Are you on the <i>Goomba Diet</i>? Do you need to be?<br><br>• Do they put up crime scene tape after you visit the buffet table?<br><br>• Is the air freshener in your car a slice of provolone?<br><br>Stop crying! The <i>Goomba Diet</i> is here—the dolce vita diet that shows you how to eat more, drink more, laugh more, live more, and feel great while you’re doing it. The <i>Goomba Diet</i> offers sensible weight-loss tips for the guy who’s gone too far:<br><br>• Touch your toes. If this is difficult, pay a guy to do it for you.<br><br>• Walk to court.<br><br>It also offers helpful maintenance tips for the goomba who’s the perfect weight and wants to stay that way:<br><br>• Try an appetite suppressant. Try eating at Applebee’s. <br><br>• Pick up something heavy. Get a copy of <i>The Da Vinci Code</i>. <br><br>• Cut out those carbs. Only eat pastas that end in the letter i. <br><br>The <i>Goomba Diet</i> is the personal lifestyle guide from Steven R. Schirripa—Bobby “Bacala” Baccalieri from HBO’s hit series <i>The Sopranos</i> and author of the bestseller <i>A Goomba’s Guide to Life</i>. Developed over decades of dreaming about and then living the high life, it’s a how-to guide for happy living—how to duke a maître d', how to order a good meal, how to be a good father, a good husband and a good friend, and how to behave at a wedding, a funeral, and on the job. You wanna have a good time? Follow these rules:<br><br>• Do tip the maid. Don’t tip the made guy. <br><br>• Do tip the D.J. Don’t tip the D.A.<br><br>• Do tell the bride she’s beautiful. Don’t tell her she’s hardly showing.<br><br>• Do give your kids an allowance. Don’t offer to “make it interesting” by shooting craps for double or nothing.<br><br>The <i>Goomba Diet</i> is for everyone with an appetite for life, and for everyone who understands that the key to happiness isn’t found in a smaller waistline but in a bigger heart. Like Steve says, “There’s a lot of skinny actors wearing black turtlenecks and tending bar right now who’d kill for a part on <i>The Sopranos</i>. This fat goomba is doing all right for himself.”<br><br>So relax! Stop worrying about how much you’re eating, and start worrying about how much you’re enjoying it. Lose weight if you like—but<i> live</i>! Put a fork in your right hand, a hunk of bread in your left, and <i>mangia</i> like you mean it. <br><br><br>HBO® and <i>The Sopranos</i>® are service marks of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.