Sex. Love. Marriage.

Sex. Love. Marriage.

Relationships are broken down into categories. I’ll start with the first one. <br /><br />1.Sex. For Kelly and me, that part was easy. Shhh. Don’t tell her dad. He’s always hated me. No need to give him further evidence.<br /><br />2.Love. I knew the moment Kelly punched me in the ear for stealing her car that I loved her. Which also leads back to her dad hating me, but whatever. There’s a good reason behind the car stealing. If you ask her, probably not.<br /><br />If the sex and love work out, it usually ends in… drum roll, please…. You guessed it. <br /><br />3.Marriage. Being married is ridiculously hard. Staying married, even harder. I can give you some advice, but you probably shouldn’t listen to me. I took advice from a porn star, took a tiny blue pill, and fell through a shower door. I’d like to never remember that night again.<br /><br />Somewhere along this terrifying journey of marriage and parenthood—my swimmers made five of the little <strike>sh*ts</strike> angels—our relationship as husband and wife fell apart. I can pinpoint the exact moment, as you’ll soon see, but that’s what leads me to this. <br /><br />Sex. Love. Marriage. And all the chaos in between. <br /><br />I’m not proud of what I resorted to at times and completely own my dumbass moments, but we’re friends, right? Proceed with caution.