How to Be a Footballer

How to Be a Footballer

<p><b>**Winner of the 2018 Telegraph Sports Book Awards Sports Bestseller of the Year**</b></p><p><b>'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - <i>Sunday Times </i></b><br /><b></b><br /><b>'The funniest man in British sport' - <i>Metro</i></b><br /><b></b><br /><b></b><i>Featured on BBC Radio 2 with Chris Evans </i></p><p>You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you’re suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.</p><p>So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror. </p><p>We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We’ll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson’s assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.</p><p>I am Peter Crouch. This is <i>How To Be A Footballer</i>. Shall we?</p><p><b>Can’t get enough of Crouch? Tune into <i>That Peter Crouch Podcast </i>on Radio 5 Live</b></p>